Quote of the Day... by Judge Smails

"It's easy to grin when your ship comes in. And you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat."

I've got your guarantee right here Chrysler!

Do you remember when summer gas prices were outrageous? Actually, you don't even have to look that far back. Chrysler motors (GM) introduced a 'too-good-to-be-true' incentive: THE NEW $2.99 GUARANTEE. The plan guaranteed gas for $2.99 per gallon for 3 years - ONLY if you bought one of their shiny, new cars.

Fast Forward a few months - we have a problem, America. Gas is $2.27 cents a gallon in my neighborhood. Once again the consumers have been HOSED and now the joke's on Chrysler and it makes me laugh pretty hard. I'm really trying my best not to call my local dealership and ask them if that $2.99 gas is rocket fuel.

Maybe it's bad juju because they are in cahoots with Saturn in a roundabout way. Works for me at least.

The Masked Blogger (Second Attack)

Well, the masked man is at it again.

After a long day of working the streets, the masked blogger sat down just long enough to write down a few words. The content of forthcoming blog is something that I know is on the hearts of all Americans during these tough times. No matter whether you are a traditionalist or not, you would have to admit we have fallen on tough times.

Please indulge us, o masked one.

The State of Country Music

Annually we are treated to the State of the Union Address. The purpose of this speech is for the President to identify the country's current issues. I believe that country music is at an all-time low. With the exception of Carrie Underwood and few others I see this industry thirsting for real talent.

With full respect to David Letterman, I submit to you a Top Ten List to convey the State of Country Music based upon its biggest names.

10. Keith Urban- could not make it in rock, so he tried country.
9. Rascal Flatts- could not make it in pop, so they tried country.
8. Tim McGraw- married someone significantly more talented to convince us that he has talent.
7. Toby Keith and others- need to stop making money under the guise of patriotism.
6. Brooks and Dunn- Dunn should go solo.
5. Trace Adkins- he should hope that his legacy is tied to the 'The Apprentice'.
4. Brad Paisley- Jumped the Shark when he checked for ticks.
3. Reba McEntire- Recorded her old hits in duet form. Thanks for keeping things fresh.
2. George Strait- Has traded quality for quantity.
1. Kenny Chesney- has successfully ripped off Jimmy Buffet's aura with less talent.

And the home of the...FREE!

The Masked Blogger

I am pleased to announce a weekly installment to I could be wrong, but...

Each week the blog will feature a installment from an estranged journalist who piddled in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Currently, he is holding up shop in a run down motel in Boston Mountains of Arkansas. Needless to say, he's got a lot on his mind. It's just him, his laptop and his floppy disc. Let me be perfectly clear and say this is a guest writer that will be featured each week and NOT your's truly.

His first entry is titled: Politics As Usual

I don’t pretend to be a political junky. I delete politically driven emails before reading them. I don’t watch ‘Hardball’, ‘Hannity and Colmes’, or any other politically based program with any regularity. My political persuasions are conservative in nature, but that doesn’t mean that I always endorse the Republican point of view.

For example, following General Colin Powell’s controversial endorsement of Senator Barack Obama, Radio-Talk show Host, Rush Limbaugh, who probably has an elephant tattoo to display his loyalty to his party, condemned Powell’s choice. Of course, Powell is a known Republican and yet he will vote for Obama? Limbaugh, who loves controversy, attributed Powell’s choice to simply a matter of skin color. Wasn’t it this same Limbaugh who got fired from ESPN because he made some comments based solely upon skin color? Look, I am not saying that Rush Limbaugh is a racist. But what I am saying is that Limbaugh’s continuous over the top opinions, coupled with his shady personal problems, diminish his credibility. Should anyone who sees all the angles and knows exactly how our country should be run and yet stays behind a microphone be taken seriously? Doesn’t an American hero such as Colin Powell deserve a little more respect and the benefit of the doubt?
I know that people like Rush, O’Reilly, Maher, etc., but please understand that these are men who are extremely opinionated, but will never couple those opinions with service. Comedian Al Franken has been a proud member of this all talk, no rock fraternity and yet he has decided to put his service where his mouth is by running for the U.S. Senate. Jesse “The Body” Ventura and now Al Franken, good luck to the Golden Gopher.

Loser leave town match last night...

If you didn't know, President Bill Clinton started a school (affiliated with the University of Arkansas) of public service here in Little Rock. It is the only graduate school in the nation offering a Master's degree of Public Service. Bill's educational dream finally came to fruition in 2004. The school stands right next door to the William Jefferson Clinton presidential library bordering the Arkansas river.

Last night, the school of public service hosted a keynote speaker. The keynote speaker focused on his/her contributions to public service and contributing to the 'American Dream.'

Any ideas who they may have selected?

Colin Powell, Jimmy Carter, Norman Schwarzkopf, Nelson Mandela OR maybe even Angelina Jolie...nope....

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WOW.

I guess Monica was booked.

Everyday I write the book...

Elvis Costello wrote a cleverly titled song called, "Everyday I write the book." It was a song talking about a love relationship that never really flourished, however, it continued to be a work in progress. What a great concept.

I have had such a relationship as well. It has been going on since 2003. My wife and I bought a Saturn VUE in 2003 and let's just say I concluded the book yesterday. I may waste my money on gumball machines, cotton candy, big foam cowboy hats, big bags of baked potato chips filled with factory air or 7 things from the dollar store that I can throw on the kitchen counter...BUT I will NOT give Saturn or GM another penny of my money. My feelings for Saturn kinda parallel Johnny Cash's feelings for San Quentin.

Amy took the Saturn in yesterday for a routine oil change. The check engine light had come on, but that was not out of the ordinary because we were overdue for our regular oil change. She dropped it off and the service tech "RICK" told her that we'll have you taken care of shortly. He did return shortly with the keys and thanked her for the service and she stepped up to counter to pay. The bill was $158 (?) some odd dollars....what? give me a break!? When questioned, he said that they had do a diagnostic test to determine why the check engine light was coming on. There is one problem to that scenario - He never said they were doing a diagnostic test and furthermore, the diagnostic test came back negative meaning they didn't know why it came on in the first place. In Layman's terms, a rip off.

I called the service manager and had a good ole 'Jed to Jethro' long talk with him. I told him that I have been providing him a living since 2003. I also told him that as far as I was concerned, there is only 1 Saturn dealership in the world and that's in North Little Rock. I conveyed to him that your dealership's service has continually been at the bottom of the barrel, and most of all I'm completely sick of it. His response was, "I appreciate your business since 2003 and will give you a free oil change the next time you come in." And let me say this cat was not the nicest guy in the world and had the personality of Ben Stein hopped up muscle relaxers. I wanted to ask him if I could get 2 free oil changes so I crap on one and cover it up with the other, but I didn't. I guess I'm better than that, barely.

I pleasantly declined his offer and I told him, "You see, Sir, I've been writing this book since 2003 and I guess today is the day that I'm going to have to finish it. I'm moving on. Thank you for taking my call."

Reasons not to purchase a Saturn at Saturn of Greater Little Rock:

1. It's a Saturn - Things that went wrong just within the first 3 years that I can remember:
2 defrosters went out, 1 stering column, had to re-configure the transmission, cd player skipping, heated seat quit working, battery died and left us stranded out of town over a weekend and lost a day's wages (Memphis/LR), one night trip we had a bug get in the car and we lowered the windows down and it blew out a fuse and we had to make the whole 2 hour trip w/ the windows down with a newborn. When we called the next day, the recommendation was to bring it in for diagnostic testing (100 mile round trip with windows down in 100 degree temps with a newborn). We finally convinced them it may be a fuse. They said maybe. After a long time of hassling them, they finally told us right where to go and we changed it ourself. Go figure.

2. Poor, Poor Customer Service

3. Location is terrible - It's like playing double dutch in high speed traffic - Real life Frogger

4. Only 1 Saturn that's anywhere close to you - You feel like you are on an episode of Survivor, but you are not getting paid for it. You are paying them!
If you have any trouble, you will have to have it towed. If it's under warranty, you will run into other problems if it's towed to other Saturns because they will not honor from Saturn to Saturn. Sounds stupid, but believe me. I've had one since 2003. I've lived it my friend and I've got the scars to prove it.

In case you are wondering:
Saturn of Greater Little Rock
5105 Warden Rd
North Little Rock, AR 72116