Quote of the Day... by Judge Smails

"It's easy to grin when your ship comes in. And you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat."

I've got your guarantee right here Chrysler!

Do you remember when summer gas prices were outrageous? Actually, you don't even have to look that far back. Chrysler motors (GM) introduced a 'too-good-to-be-true' incentive: THE NEW $2.99 GUARANTEE. The plan guaranteed gas for $2.99 per gallon for 3 years - ONLY if you bought one of their shiny, new cars.

Fast Forward a few months - we have a problem, America. Gas is $2.27 cents a gallon in my neighborhood. Once again the consumers have been HOSED and now the joke's on Chrysler and it makes me laugh pretty hard. I'm really trying my best not to call my local dealership and ask them if that $2.99 gas is rocket fuel.

Maybe it's bad juju because they are in cahoots with Saturn in a roundabout way. Works for me at least.

The Masked Blogger (Second Attack)

Well, the masked man is at it again.

After a long day of working the streets, the masked blogger sat down just long enough to write down a few words. The content of forthcoming blog is something that I know is on the hearts of all Americans during these tough times. No matter whether you are a traditionalist or not, you would have to admit we have fallen on tough times.

Please indulge us, o masked one.

The State of Country Music

Annually we are treated to the State of the Union Address. The purpose of this speech is for the President to identify the country's current issues. I believe that country music is at an all-time low. With the exception of Carrie Underwood and few others I see this industry thirsting for real talent.

With full respect to David Letterman, I submit to you a Top Ten List to convey the State of Country Music based upon its biggest names.

10. Keith Urban- could not make it in rock, so he tried country.
9. Rascal Flatts- could not make it in pop, so they tried country.
8. Tim McGraw- married someone significantly more talented to convince us that he has talent.
7. Toby Keith and others- need to stop making money under the guise of patriotism.
6. Brooks and Dunn- Dunn should go solo.
5. Trace Adkins- he should hope that his legacy is tied to the 'The Apprentice'.
4. Brad Paisley- Jumped the Shark when he checked for ticks.
3. Reba McEntire- Recorded her old hits in duet form. Thanks for keeping things fresh.
2. George Strait- Has traded quality for quantity.
1. Kenny Chesney- has successfully ripped off Jimmy Buffet's aura with less talent.

And the home of the...FREE!

The Masked Blogger

I am pleased to announce a weekly installment to I could be wrong, but...

Each week the blog will feature a installment from an estranged journalist who piddled in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Currently, he is holding up shop in a run down motel in Boston Mountains of Arkansas. Needless to say, he's got a lot on his mind. It's just him, his laptop and his floppy disc. Let me be perfectly clear and say this is a guest writer that will be featured each week and NOT your's truly.

His first entry is titled: Politics As Usual

I don’t pretend to be a political junky. I delete politically driven emails before reading them. I don’t watch ‘Hardball’, ‘Hannity and Colmes’, or any other politically based program with any regularity. My political persuasions are conservative in nature, but that doesn’t mean that I always endorse the Republican point of view.

For example, following General Colin Powell’s controversial endorsement of Senator Barack Obama, Radio-Talk show Host, Rush Limbaugh, who probably has an elephant tattoo to display his loyalty to his party, condemned Powell’s choice. Of course, Powell is a known Republican and yet he will vote for Obama? Limbaugh, who loves controversy, attributed Powell’s choice to simply a matter of skin color. Wasn’t it this same Limbaugh who got fired from ESPN because he made some comments based solely upon skin color? Look, I am not saying that Rush Limbaugh is a racist. But what I am saying is that Limbaugh’s continuous over the top opinions, coupled with his shady personal problems, diminish his credibility. Should anyone who sees all the angles and knows exactly how our country should be run and yet stays behind a microphone be taken seriously? Doesn’t an American hero such as Colin Powell deserve a little more respect and the benefit of the doubt?
I know that people like Rush, O’Reilly, Maher, etc., but please understand that these are men who are extremely opinionated, but will never couple those opinions with service. Comedian Al Franken has been a proud member of this all talk, no rock fraternity and yet he has decided to put his service where his mouth is by running for the U.S. Senate. Jesse “The Body” Ventura and now Al Franken, good luck to the Golden Gopher.

Loser leave town match last night...

If you didn't know, President Bill Clinton started a school (affiliated with the University of Arkansas) of public service here in Little Rock. It is the only graduate school in the nation offering a Master's degree of Public Service. Bill's educational dream finally came to fruition in 2004. The school stands right next door to the William Jefferson Clinton presidential library bordering the Arkansas river.

Last night, the school of public service hosted a keynote speaker. The keynote speaker focused on his/her contributions to public service and contributing to the 'American Dream.'

Any ideas who they may have selected?

Colin Powell, Jimmy Carter, Norman Schwarzkopf, Nelson Mandela OR maybe even Angelina Jolie...nope....

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WOW.

I guess Monica was booked.

Everyday I write the book...

Elvis Costello wrote a cleverly titled song called, "Everyday I write the book." It was a song talking about a love relationship that never really flourished, however, it continued to be a work in progress. What a great concept.

I have had such a relationship as well. It has been going on since 2003. My wife and I bought a Saturn VUE in 2003 and let's just say I concluded the book yesterday. I may waste my money on gumball machines, cotton candy, big foam cowboy hats, big bags of baked potato chips filled with factory air or 7 things from the dollar store that I can throw on the kitchen counter...BUT I will NOT give Saturn or GM another penny of my money. My feelings for Saturn kinda parallel Johnny Cash's feelings for San Quentin.

Amy took the Saturn in yesterday for a routine oil change. The check engine light had come on, but that was not out of the ordinary because we were overdue for our regular oil change. She dropped it off and the service tech "RICK" told her that we'll have you taken care of shortly. He did return shortly with the keys and thanked her for the service and she stepped up to counter to pay. The bill was $158 (?) some odd dollars....what? give me a break!? When questioned, he said that they had do a diagnostic test to determine why the check engine light was coming on. There is one problem to that scenario - He never said they were doing a diagnostic test and furthermore, the diagnostic test came back negative meaning they didn't know why it came on in the first place. In Layman's terms, a rip off.

I called the service manager and had a good ole 'Jed to Jethro' long talk with him. I told him that I have been providing him a living since 2003. I also told him that as far as I was concerned, there is only 1 Saturn dealership in the world and that's in North Little Rock. I conveyed to him that your dealership's service has continually been at the bottom of the barrel, and most of all I'm completely sick of it. His response was, "I appreciate your business since 2003 and will give you a free oil change the next time you come in." And let me say this cat was not the nicest guy in the world and had the personality of Ben Stein hopped up muscle relaxers. I wanted to ask him if I could get 2 free oil changes so I crap on one and cover it up with the other, but I didn't. I guess I'm better than that, barely.

I pleasantly declined his offer and I told him, "You see, Sir, I've been writing this book since 2003 and I guess today is the day that I'm going to have to finish it. I'm moving on. Thank you for taking my call."

Reasons not to purchase a Saturn at Saturn of Greater Little Rock:

1. It's a Saturn - Things that went wrong just within the first 3 years that I can remember:
2 defrosters went out, 1 stering column, had to re-configure the transmission, cd player skipping, heated seat quit working, battery died and left us stranded out of town over a weekend and lost a day's wages (Memphis/LR), one night trip we had a bug get in the car and we lowered the windows down and it blew out a fuse and we had to make the whole 2 hour trip w/ the windows down with a newborn. When we called the next day, the recommendation was to bring it in for diagnostic testing (100 mile round trip with windows down in 100 degree temps with a newborn). We finally convinced them it may be a fuse. They said maybe. After a long time of hassling them, they finally told us right where to go and we changed it ourself. Go figure.

2. Poor, Poor Customer Service

3. Location is terrible - It's like playing double dutch in high speed traffic - Real life Frogger

4. Only 1 Saturn that's anywhere close to you - You feel like you are on an episode of Survivor, but you are not getting paid for it. You are paying them!
If you have any trouble, you will have to have it towed. If it's under warranty, you will run into other problems if it's towed to other Saturns because they will not honor from Saturn to Saturn. Sounds stupid, but believe me. I've had one since 2003. I've lived it my friend and I've got the scars to prove it.

In case you are wondering:
Saturn of Greater Little Rock
5105 Warden Rd
North Little Rock, AR 72116

NCAA or WWE?

I couldn't find the video, but it is said that during next play the ref dug down deep into his tights and got a chain. He then proceeded to wrap the chain around his right hand numerous times and cold cocked one of the players under his face mask and then nonchalantly discarded the chain.

Stick your neck out...both of 'em

If you haven't heard of Junior Brown, I doubt you'll read this post. Anyhow, he is a traditional style country music singer/guitarist. He is mainly known for his deep voice and his weird looking guitar. As the story was told, he said that he had a dream one night about a guitar that had a two necks. And if you do not know what a guitar neck is...please stop and read no more.

The top neck was a regular full scale neck and the bottom neck was a 6 string steel guitar neck. After consulting with Fender, his dreams became a reality and the novelty began. In 1993, he began his career by releasing 2 albums at the same time. This unusual release has been his best work to date. Since the dual release, he has put out a few more albums and narrated the 2005 Dukes of Hazzard motion picture release.

Well, last night my band had the opportunity to play with him. Over the years I've seen him numerous times and my thoughts on his performances have been a mixed bag (just as the album Mixed Bag). I first saw him in the early 90's and he was great. He had a 4 piece band that included his wife playing acoustic guitar. The second time I saw him it was great. He had a different band with Buddy Miles playing drums and his wife playing acoustic. However, he and his wife argued outside prior to the encore. The third time I saw him it was only a 3 piece and a completely different band and no wife and no acoustic guitar. He came in about 30 minutes late and mumbled through the set. I think he wished he was on Coconut Island. That's a Junior Brown joke. I know nobody will get that one.

Last night was a combo of all of those. I did know the bass player, but a new drummer and no acoustic...so a 3 piece. He was fashionably 20 minutes late and sounded great with all the Junior Brown country classics. The highlight of the night for me were two cover tunes he did. One was Ernest Tubb's "Gimme a little old fashion love" and the Ventures' "Apache".




Junior appeals to a cross section of fans ranging from Ernest Tubb fans to Jimi Hendrix fans. He is known to mix in licks from famous guitarists that only a few people can spot leaving the traditionalist crowd just thinking he is a little crazy.

The cons to the show: He played too many meaningless blues songs with too many meaningless blues licks for too long.

Gambling?

The recent economic state has left me with one question: Is playing the stock market the same as gambling?

Please justify your answer.

Ex. Is an educated man who knows how to play blackjack and the person who buys and sells stocks on the wall street floor in the same business?

Let me clarify one thing. The man who plays blackjack (knows how to work the system) does not play blackjack as a hobby, but treats it as a job.

The World Series of Poker...

Is there anybody else out there about tired of the World Series of Poker being on TV 24/7? Not so much being on TV, but being on the "sports" network? It doesn't matter if you flip over to ESPN between the debates OR stumble down the stairs at 4 in the morning, you will be greeted with another World Series of Poker. How many World Series of Poker can there be out there? Seriously, at this current rate of media, the ESPN broadcasting 'flush' could reach to Uranus and back.

How is playing cards more of a sport than...let's say...a competition of baking cakes?

I have a proposal. Since the World Series of Poker has so much footage, why not start their own channel? Maybe, The World of Poker channel? I think using the word series misleads the public. One tends to think someone could possibly turn a double play and get out of the inning and the show will be over, but that's not the way it works in this case. This series never ends.

WSoP, it's time for you to go all-in or fold and get your own network and get off my ESPN.

I'm not bluffing.

___________________________

I have added a new video to the video bar. I can't determine if this video brings people to Jesus or turns them away from him.

How do you get to the Grand Ole Opry?

The Grand Ole Opry is the oldest continuous radio program in US history. It is considered to the be the high church of country music. In 1943, the Grand Ole Opry moved to the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee. The Ryman Auditorium initially served as the Union Gospel Tabernacle.

Becoming a member of the Grand Ole Opry used to the ultimate honor that could be bestowed upon an artist. If you noticed I used the past tense. I don't know if it means a hill of beans these days. The Grand Ole Opry I remember required a long time career of country music, success and a strong contribution to country music. NOW I think the only requirement is what you look like and if you have had somewhat of a hit. It seems as though the Grand Ole Opry is passing out more memberships than your local Gold's gym.

Come on, Craig Morgan? I challenge anyone out there to tell me one song of Craig Morgan's without researching it? Dierks Bentley? Come on G.O.O. - Take one for collective country music team and do what's right for country music and not just for your pocket book. County music is suffering because of it. Don't believe me? Just listen to the radio.

Grand Ole Opry, I'm disappointed in you.

On the job training?

I hate debates...

Am I the only one who thinks debates are useless?

Each candidate has about 4 or 5 catch phrases that is constant in any forum. You could ask McCain who's going to win the World Series?

His response may be,

"You know that's a great question and a question that all Americans are probably pondering at this time of economic crisis. I just wish we could get more people in the seats during the playoffs. That's what I'm going to do as president. I'm going to cut taxes on Americans so they can buy more hot dogs, more beverages, more itchy replica baseball shirts and more of those tiny baseball bats for the kiddos while working across the aisle with the American and National leagues respectively. And friends, that's what America is all about. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that we will be looking for alternative energy as well? Yes, my friends, it's true. We will be looking for alternative energy. Nuclear, clean coal, off shore drilling and THAT, my friends, will play a gigantic role in the outcome of America's own, major league baseball World Series."

Rebuttal Mr. Obama (use your best Obama voice including choppy breaks between words that prohibit a continual train of thought with a hard emphasis on the first syllable of each word),

"Baseball is America's true pastime. During the last 8 years there has been a steady decline in America's interest with major league baseball. I understand why the middle class feels that way. Ticket prices are continuing to go up while we are going through the largest fiscal decline in this great country's history. I have voted numerous times to lower ticket prices while Senator McCain has voted against it 94.2% of the time. Oh, and did I mention, we shouldn't have even gone to war with Iraq?"

I think the best forum to serve the public would be granting each candidate 1 hour of television time. Just one camera focused in on the noggin of the candidate. Each broadcast would focus on 2 topics. An example would be Economic Reform and Health care. The candidate could then go into detail regarding specific things they are proposing and use charts and graphs or whatever they choose. I guess that makes too much sense.

No spin zone...

I have tried to somewhat stay up on the issues of late. With the latest economic crisis, it really doesn't help one to be "up" on the issues or not. The ignorant are getting hosed as much as the informed - and you usually that's the case with anything political. So, that leaves me wondering why do I waste my time? I guess it's somewhat entertaining.

You either love Bill O'Reilly or you hate him. Personally, I think he is very entertaining. I respect him because he doesn't sugarcoat questions with any of his guests whether Dem/Rep. I will have to say that he can be somewhat rude with his guests, but that's all part of the entertainment factor. I do respect his intelligence on most issues. He does make a point of researching everything that he supports. Whether I agree with him or not, I respect him for fact finding. That's a whole lot better than someone saying I support _______ and not have a clue on any issue. Even though Bill is a far cry from be the average, middle income American citizen, I respect him for holding anyone's feet to the fire on their views they push.

On the blog, I will feature a video (or two) of the week that needs your attention.

The first blog is from The O'Reilly factor. In this clip, Bill interviews Barney Frank regarding his supervision of the economic crisis and the misleading information that he continually gave regarding Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. On numerous occasions, Mr. Frank spoke highly of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and assured people that they would not fail. This is one instance in which Bill's rudeness is somewhat justified.

You can click on the video to the right.

Enjoy.

Here are some things I promise to you...

I promise that this blog means very little.

I promise that it will sometimes be informative and sometimes humorous. However, I will leave that up to the reader.

I promise that I will never concentrate on having perfect punctuation and spelling.

I promise that I will not worry if my dangling participle is dangling. I will speak to you from the heart, not a textbook. I will be considered the ee cummings of the blog world.

I promise that I will never meet the high standards of Jim Miller's blogs.